In mid-April, my son asked for my permission to go back to his dorm. He wants to continue the project he has started working on a few months before the corochina virus invaded our planet Earth.
I didn’t allow him to leave because of the danger of contamination and we were on shelter-in-place order.
Last week he announced that he was going back. I tried to convince him not to leave because it will increase his risk but he didn’t want to listen to me. He told me he really wanted to do it. Edmund saw me crying so he tried to talk Nyke into postponing his plans but to no avail. The boy’s mind was set.
When Edmund asked him when he will come back, he answered “mommy’s birthday.”
I am extremely worried and I am actually gripped with sadness. Hindi ko mapigil maiyak. Hindi na sya baby syempre hindi ko naman sya pwedeng pigilan.
He left yesterday afternoon and I felt really, really sad. Binalot ko Vitamin C nya and facemasks. His sister baked cookies for him. Ang dami kong bilin, ang daming paalala. Edmund also was giving him instructions on how to sanitize his room, shoes, his hands.
I hugged him a few times before he went out the door and I just didn’t want to remove my arms around him. While hugging him, I whispered “take care of yourself anak, please, promise me.”
Today I am telling myself to learn how to let go. But it’s really hard. I don’t think that’s even possible. Parenthood comes with unconditional love bigger than the universe, coupled with an infinite amount of worry for their children’s safety and health.