If couples are required first to take compatibility tests before they are granted a marriage license, probably very few would end up married.
Edmund and I are a good example. If I were to count the number of things that make us compatible it would surely pale in comparison with how different the two of us are. We are definitely more incompatible than compatible and yet here we are living under the same roof trying to live in peaceful harmony. I think after 34 years I can say for sure that we are poles apart. I begin to wonder how the heck we made it this far, together. I told my daughter the other day that her father and I are two very different individuals. We are not even compatible and yet I am amazed at how we lasted this long. She said it’s really amazing how couples can stay together for 34 years or even shorter than that.
He is athletic. I’ve always known him to be engaged in some kind of sports. First was basketball, then tennis, then golf. He walks, jogs, runs.
Me? Piko, tumbang preso, sungka, pekwa, scrabble, and presently, Plants vs Zombies. I walk around the house, I ride, I sit, I sleep.
He likes pets. He likes dogs. I love our dogs too but I am afraid to hold them. I am afraid they’ll bite me.
He is not afraid of pests. I can kill an ipis using alcohol (as taught by one of my OMB readers). He is the pukpuker I am the shrieker.
He is a morning person. I sleep in the morning.
He sleeps early. I sleep early in the morning.
He likes to watch women’s volleyball. I like to watch UFC.
He drinks wine, I like buko juice.
One of the things I liked about him when we were still dating was that he was not talkative. Now, he likes to talk and lecture. I like to keep quiet.
I can enumerate a hundred more incompatibilities but I can only see a few commonalities: We both like blue, well that’s not extraordinary because most men like blue. We both like In & Out, Chipotle, Crispy hito, Meron pa ba, parang wala na akong maisip. Oh, we both like to go to church and we rely heavily on the heavens for guidance and help.
I didn’t expect to marry someone who has the same likes and dislikes as mine. I think that’s difficult to find. What I expected was to have someone who would for the most part understand and accept me and who I understand and accept too. Someone who would appreciate me as me and not compare me with others. Someone who would give value and respect to the woman he married. Someone who would find joy in just being with me who is his exact opposite and yet who truly supports him. Someone who would marvel at how different this woman is and yet in many ways they blend perfectly well.
When two people profess love for each other and desire to spend the rest of their life together and to grow old together, then they should match their words with deeds. Words and actions that offend each other will not contribute to the achievement of their goals. If we are not conscious with what we say and do and is insensitive to our spouse’s feelings, then the goal will not happen because you’d rather grow old alone than be with someone who will always offend and upset you even unintentionally. Words must be in tandem with sincere actions. It’s not even about compatibility.